apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
