No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dicks are not precious.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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