I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
