the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
