When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I fill condoms, not promises.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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