Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize