i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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