I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
