Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
