why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
