ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
