wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
