Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize