you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
