I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
