You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
