Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
