she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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