Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
