Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
