some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
