So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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