My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
