i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize