No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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