Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize