READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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