i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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