I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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