who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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