Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
