i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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