so explain again why im purple
no
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize