Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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