im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
