By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
