On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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