When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
