Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
