I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love black thongs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
