Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
