we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
