The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
