Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
