wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
