Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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