no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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