just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
