There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize