theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
