If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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