I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize