i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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