So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize