I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
