....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
