Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
