I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
