U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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