apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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