well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
