i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
