So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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