I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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