we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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