everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
