i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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