I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
