billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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