why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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