He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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