I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize