dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
