Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
