stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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