Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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