Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
