I just pynch a tree in the face
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
