I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
