I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
