Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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