her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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