my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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