i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
