You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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