I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
